After spending a year and a half conducting most of our socializing via Zoom or Facetime, having conversations in person again feels strangely...weird. If you live in fear of awkward silences, want to become better at building deeper connections with work colleagues or new acquaintances, or are just looking for some general tips to reacclimatize, then fret no more, we've got you covered. We scoured Uptime for some tips and tricks on making small talk look easy. Here are some self-help tips and tricks that can help us make our conversation a little more enjoyable and exciting, and becoming the best versions of ourselves, rather than changing our personality completely. Remember, these lessons are about finding ways to be your most authentic self, rather than trying to change you into something you're not. We're most likeable when we fully embrace who we are!

How to Win Friends and Influence People - Dale Carnegie

On Uptime

Interactions with people are part of our everyday life. Whether it’s at work,school, or any other social setting, we have to cultivate some type of relationship with the people around us. We want those interactions to be positive, upbuilding ones, which might mean breaking out of our shells a little bit. We need to see what makes us relatable and more likable that will lead us to great relationships and interactions, making our life more rewarding and enjoyable.

Dale Carnegie has given us a book with timeless advice which focuses on us showing genuine interest in others. It’s not about impressing people and constantly talking about ourselves, but actually putting the interests of others first (huh! - what a concept) .That means actually LISTENING to people and making them feel valued and supported - qualities people naturally gravitate towards. So we don't want to change others but rather focus on improving ourselves. We find that being open minded to this perspective wins them over and can influence them to want to do the same for us.

It isn't what you have, or who you are, or where you are, or what you are doing that makes you happy or unhappy. It is what you think about it.

Learning To Be Approachable - Dorie Clark

On Uptime

We often hear that ‘first impressions count’. In which case, the impression that we give determines if and how people will approach us (tikes!). But none of us want to go through life feeling misunderstood. If we have a reputation for being unapproachable, there are ways to change that perception - without changing our personality (and that's important). The question is: how?

""There's a common misconception that people who are good conversationalists are just naturally that way. That's rarely the case. Instead, it starts with people having the right tools at their disposal."

Personal branding expert Dorie Clark with this course, helps us determine if we might be giving off signals that send people running for the hills. She teaches us to pay attention to our body language, the way we dress, and our relatability to others. She also shows us how we can adapt these traits to be more approachable, both in person and online. So we’re able to let people in on who we really are without completely compromising how we express ourselves.

The Charisma Myth: How Anyone Can Master the Art and Science of Personal Magnetism - Olivia Fox Cabane

On Uptime

We all know those seemingly confident, bubbly, charming (the list goes on) kind of individuals. The ones who just float in and capture the room, effortlessly. The words ‘the perfect personality’ come to mind. Unbeknownst to us, we’ve inadvertently put them on a pedestal, labelled them as charismatic and fun, while rating ourselves a ‘just ok’. But this character trait is NOT something we’re born with.

Instead, Olivia Cabane argues that, like any other skill, charisma is a trait we can learn. In her book, she provides several tools and exercises we can use to develop this highly sought-out and coveted personality trait. She teaches that charisma begins in our minds, and that each person’s charisma style is different and unique. She also highlights that the key factors to developing our own charming personality are: Presence, Power and Warmth.

Being charismatic does not depend on how much time you have, but on how fully present you are in each interaction.

The Art of Witty Banter - Patrick King

On Uptime

No one likes those boring, awkward conversions where we have to keep dredging up random topics from the bottom of a pit. But sadly, some of us are just not the greatest conversationalists. This is why banter is so important. According to Patrick King, banter helps us disarm and connect, escape small talk real quick, and instantly build meaningful relationships. But how do we become 'banter kings and queens' ourselves?

In his book, The Art of Witty Banter, King has done the homework for us. He breaks wit and banter down to a science and gives us real guidelines on what to say, when and how. He also gives us smart examples and phrases we can use everyday that will engage the people we talk to. In that way, we start to feel more comfortable and confident in ourselves- with the added jokes and humor to match!

People like to feel as if they belong. It's a universal desire.

Super Confidence: Why It's Ok Not To Be Liked By Everyone - - Kain Ramsay

It seems contrary to think that the key to being more likeable is to actually stop caring about others' opinion so much. But there's some real truth to this statement.

For one reason or another, we all unknowingly seek other people’s approval and acceptance, and lose our dignity, integrity and self-esteem in the process. Instead of being comfortable in our true selves, we present a fabricated and unrecognizable version of ourselves. Professional growth principles teacher, Kain Ramsy experienced this too. He too spent the earlier part of his life pretending to be someone else, with very little success.

That is why he designed this eye-opening, step-by-step short course to help us learn to be the best version of ourselves. Through it, we learn how to gain confidence, communicate better and more effectively, all the while building real relationships that are free from codependency. He teaches us that relationships come and go, but if we are true to ourselves, we will draw in the right people and they will want to stick around.

Extraordinary Influence: How Great Leaders Bring out the Best in Others - Tim Irwin

Making friends at work or getting colleagues to like you is hard. It’s especially harder when we are in a higher position, be it the manager, the team leader, or an executive of some sort. But most of the time, this is due to the stereotypical view that most of us have - that the 'big guns' are scary, harsh and unfriendly. In this extraordinary read, Irwin breaks down the misconceptions that ‘lower level’ employees have, while teaching those in leadership positions how to break the barrier that is workplace Hierarchy.

His secret? Affirmations. He teaches us that the best way to communicate to our peers is through affirmations. Instead of breaking others down, we should build them up through encouraging words. Irwin also highlights the importance of respect and consideration within the workplace, i.e, meaning giving feedback in private rather than in public. Once we achieve the equal respect playing field, it's easier to be seen as approachable, and more so even liked.

We gain an extraordinary ability to transform others when we affirm them, versus when we apply what might euphemistically be called constructive criticism.

Summary

Whether we’re looking to stand out during some selection process or we're just looking to make new friends, if we follow the advice in these books and hacks, we can be sure to make a good impression on others. If some of these lessons sparked your curiosity, then have a look at our other relationship-building Hacks over on Uptime.

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